The day came anyway. I'd regrouped, and I went out to a decisive battle against the Azai and the Asakura.
The Anegawa. With that river between us. I faced Nagamasa's army.
In the enemy camp, a banner I knew was fluttering. Nagamasa's banner. Just seeing it, I felt my chest would tear apart.
I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to kill Nagamasa, or have him kill me.
The man I'd trusted so much. My sister's husband, who until just the other day had looked up to me—"Brother, Brother." Why were we pointing blades at each other across a river?
I want to go home. I don't want to see this river. I don't want to see Nagamasa's banner.
But—the enemy surged toward us without mercy. There was nowhere to run.
Our lines were pushed back. The war cries drew closer. Hooves shook the ground. Blades closed in, right there.
My heart started pounding wildly. I couldn't breathe. Cold sweat burst out. My vision blurred white.
I'll die. I'll be killed. Nowhere to run. The fear went past the limit of what I could bear.
In that instant. Snap. Something in my head broke.
What happened after that. I don't really remember.
Only that, shouting something. My body was moving on its own. This body I'd trained so hard had slipped out of my control. Sweeping aside the blades that came at me. Cutting down the soldiers who surged toward me. Thrashing for no reason but to erase the threat in front of my eyes.
Seeing that, our side took heart. The tide turned—and in time, the Azai and Asakura armies broke.
When I came to. Everything around me had gone silent. At my feet lay countless bodies.
I'd done it again.
My whole body was soaked with cold sweat and other men's blood. My hands were trembling. My knees gave way. And I wept before the mound of dead.
"...I'm sorry. I didn't, mean to kill. I didn't want, to kill anyone..."
And then, watching Nagamasa's banner withdraw toward the far camp. I forced the words out.
"Nagamasa... why? Why did it come to this?"
Right beside me. Was a man who had fought alongside me. Ieyasu. That hostage boy, Takechiyo. Now lord of Mikawa, he had rushed to this Anegawa as my ally.
Ieyasu watched me weeping, steadily. He didn't say anything. Only, his eyes were neither laughing nor afraid.
He probably knew. That these tears of mine weren't a victory cry. Because we were both men who shook with fear, he understood. To me, that was just a little bit of salvation.
But. My house didn't see it that way.
"Our lord is enraged at his brother-in-law's betrayal."
"That is why he cut down the Azai and Asakura so mercilessly. He will never forgive a traitor."
"What a fearsome lord. A true Demon King, who has no use for mercy."
The heartless Demon King who never forgives a traitor. That became how the world saw me.
No. Far from being unable to forgive Nagamasa. Even now, I want so badly to believe in him. I want so badly to ask him why he betrayed me.
I won. And with it, I had taken the first step. Toward striking down the brother-in-law I trusted.
Someday, I'd probably have to lay hands on Nagamasa himself. That premonition set me shaking. Before the dead, I wept again.
Nagamasa. I'm sorry. Why did it come to this?
—No one knows what my tears mean. The world called me the heartless Demon King who never forgives a traitor.
And before long. I would take upon myself. A sin even more impossible to undo.