Tokichiro came back alive. He'd held off the pursuers brilliantly in that death trap and gotten the main force all the way out. He came back battered to pieces, and grinning anyway.
The moment I saw that face, I nearly cried again. I held it back, just barely. A Demon King, it seems, can't go crying over something as small as a retainer coming home alive.
I'd fled back to Kyoto too. Shamelessly. Like a startled hare. Pathetically.
I thought that was fine.
I'd made it home alive. What more did I need?
But. The way the world saw it. Was nothing like the way I did.
"Have you heard? Of Lord Kazusa-no-suke's retreat?"
"From that hopeless position, caught front and back. They say he kept his losses to a minimum and withdrew his troops brilliantly."
"He saw through the pincer in an instant and decided at once to fall back. Such speed of judgment."
"To attack is easy; to withdraw is hard. Only one who withdraws well is a true general. Lord Kazusa-no-suke's composure is beyond measure."
Divine strategy and demonic cunning.
A lightning withdrawal.
Proof of a great general.
My shameless flight. Had somehow come to be called by such splendid names.
No. I'll say it as many times as it takes. I just got scared and ran.
I didn't see through the pincer. I got caught in it, my head went completely blank, and I just bolted.
My judgment wasn't fast. My legs moved on their own before I could think.
There was no divine strategy in it, no demonic cunning.
What there was.
Was nothing but hopeless fear.
"Our lord's brilliance in knowing when to withdraw..."
Listening to my retainers rhapsodize about it. I wanted to put my head in my hands.
All I had was fast feet. Why does that get me made into a great general?
That I'd fled trembling, looking back over my shoulder.
That I'd left Tokichiro in a death trap and cried.
No one knows.
And without anyone knowing, my cowardice turned into yet another shining legend.
At my lodgings in Kyoto. Kicho alone. Greeted me like this.
"You ran home well, my lord."
"...Yeah."
"Splendidly done. You came back alive. There is no greater feat than that."
At those words, my shoulders finally loosened.
That I'd run home.
Someone who'd say it straight out—"You ran home."
I had one such person.
I just ran. Pathetically, shamelessly, I ran.
And yet the world calls it "proof of a great general." How wrong do they have to get it before they're satisfied?
—But.
Maybe it was better.
That they got it wrong.
The real hell.
Was still waiting.
Because before long.
I would cross blades.
With Nagamasa himself, the one who had betrayed me.