From that night on, something changed. Between Tokichiro and me.
We never promised each other anything out loud. I just knew. He knew what I really was. And he would never let it slip. Tokichiro knew, too. That I knew that. It was a secret between the two of us.
After that, Tokichiro's fussing over me grew even more thorough.
Before I could get scared, the scary thing had been dealt with. Before my stomach could start hurting, the herbal remedy was ready. Before people could wear me out, unwanted visitors had been sent away.
It was a strange thing. Before I could ever say "I'm scared," he'd already sense what I was scared of. He noticed my stomachaches before I did.
"Our lord is occupied. Pray come another day."
With that, Tokichiro would smilingly handle the visitors I couldn't cope with. I didn't have to do a thing. I could just withdraw to the inner rooms and tremble.
Even if I trembled, I wasn't laughed at. Even if I ran, I wasn't despised. In front of this man alone, I didn't have to put on the Demon King's face.
Come to think of it, my life had never once let me rest easy.
People scared me. What was behind me scared me. Blades scared me. So in front of everyone, I kept my guard up and went on wearing the Demon King's mask. Once that mask is on, it doesn't come off. I felt that the moment I took it off, my throat would be slit, and so even in my sleep I clenched my teeth.
The only person I could take that mask off for was one—Kicho alone. Withdrawn to the inner quarters, only in front of Kicho could I breathe. My shoulders would loosen, and at last I could go back to being just a frightened man.
But now. Out in the outer quarters, too, there was one.
In front of Tokichiro alone, I didn't have to put on airs. I could be scared. I could tremble. It was the first time anything had ever been this easy.
In my heart, I murmured it again and again.
Kicho, and Tokichiro.
Kicho in the inner quarters, and Tokichiro in the outer. Only in front of these two could I really breathe.
Even if the whole world feared me as a monster. These two alone stayed by my side and let me be just a cowardly man.
Tokichiro, at least, is on my side.
When I thought that, something deep in my chest that had been frozen for so long grew slowly warm. For me, scared and lonely as I was. At last, I had a second person on my side.
Come to think of it, the only place I'd ever touched another person's warmth was in the sumo ring. With wrestlers, stripped bare and unable to bring any blade in, I could press skin to skin without being afraid. That had been my one and only refuge from the longing for people.
But now it was different. Outside the ring, too, there were now two whole people I wasn't afraid to have by my side.
I made up my mind. This monkey, I would never let go of, no matter what. I'd keep him by my side. I'd even promote him. So that he could stay at my side. I meant it as the very best thanks I could give.
But. The more I raised up this strange monkey, the more the household began to take it to mean something else entirely.
No matter what the world said. I had made up my mind never to let go of this one.