From the warmed sandals to the fort at Sunomata, I raised Tokichiro up at an unheard-of pace.
From servant, to captain of a squad of foot soldiers. From captain, to samurai. The menial monkey was rising through the house before everyone's eyes.
The world made much of this rise, like so:
"There goes a man who has found favor in the Demon King's eyes."
"To raise a man of no known station so high. Our lord's eye for men is unfathomable."
My keen eye. Every time I heard that, I gave a wry smile inside.
It was no keen eye or anything of the kind. I just wanted to keep him by my side. I didn't want to let go of one of the very few allies who knew what I really was. So I'd end up giving him a post. I'd end up making excuses for him to stay near me. It just happened to look like an extraordinary rise.
It was true that he was capable. But the real reason I raised him up—was nothing so admirable. I was just lonely. That was all.
At some point, I had started calling Tokichiro this:
"Monkey."
Or else:
"Bald Rat."
Hearing it, my retainers shuddered.
"Our lord calls that man Monkey and Bald Rat, without so much as a title."
"For all he has raised him up, such merciless words. The Demon King indeed. He treats his retainers like vermin."
No.
That's not it at all.
People scare me. So I could never properly call anyone by name. I couldn't open my heart to them. And yet that same me, with Tokichiro alone, couldn't help calling him by careless names.
Monkey. Bald Rat.
It was proof that I was clumsily leaning on the first person I'd ever been able to open my heart to. Gruffness, to hide my embarrassment.
"To be called Monkey by my lord. I am a fortunate man indeed."
Tokichiro, too, understood that properly.
That's why he would laugh, so happily.
Around that time, I was buying up guns. Those tubes that spit fire, brought over from Tanegashima.
The reason was simple. With swords and spears, people get close to you. If they get close, they stab you. That's scary. But a gun can be fired from far off. You can take care of an assassin at a distance before he gets near. In other words, to me, guns were the most powerful tool there was for protecting myself. I bought them up because I was scared. That's all.
Before I knew it, more guns were piled up in my storehouses than anyone else's. Seeing that, the household misunderstood once again.
"Our lord has perceived the unfathomable power of this new weapon."
"The greatest firepower in Japan. Truly, he is a man ahead of his time."
It was nothing so grand. I was just scared and wanted to bring down enemies from far away.
Only Tokichiro, looking at the guns in my storehouse, gave a sly grin.
"Such keen insight, my lord. These fire tubes shall change war one day, mark my words."
Out loud, he flattered me smoothly like that. But his eyes were saying it plainly: —My lord simply doesn't like people getting close, does he?
He knew, and went along with it anyway. That was his kindness.
Monkey.
Bald Rat.
Pet names I allowed for him alone.
The world took them as the Demon King's contempt. But he alone understood. That those gruff names were, from a cowardly man who was bad even at calling people by name, the very best "thank you" he could manage.