"Are you—scared of dying too?"
When I asked, Takechiyo stared at my face for a while.
He was weighing whether it was a trap. Whether the young lord of the Oda, famed as a fool, meant to torment a hostage. That small body already had the sense to suspect as much.
But he must have been at the end of what he could bear.
Takechiyo gave the tiniest nod.
"...I am scared."
His voice was thin and faint.
"When night comes, I think, I got to stay alive today. When morning comes, I think, today I might be killed. All the time... all the time, I'm scared."
I caught my breath.
Those were exactly the words I'd never once been able to say out loud.
"I see."
I said it, and the back of my throat felt strangely hot.
"Me too."
Takechiyo's head snapped up. He looked as though he couldn't believe it. He must never have thought this Great Fool, the heir of the Oda, would say the same thing he did.
I sat down cross-legged right there. And for the first time, I told someone the ridiculous conclusion I'd been carrying around alone all this time.
"See, I'm scared, so scared I can't stand it. So I thought about it. If I can't run, then the only thing left is to get strong enough that they can't kill me."
I rolled up my sleeve and showed him.
An arm like a boulder, built out of gnawed taro and training every night.
"People betray you. Allies, even family—you never know when they'll turn a blade on you. There's nothing you can trust. But this is different."
I slapped my own arm.
"Muscle never betrays you."
Takechiyo's mouth fell open.
"However much you train it, it'll answer you, every time. It won't betray you. It won't run. It'll protect your life, just a little. That's the only thing in this world I can trust."
A pretty pathetic philosophy of life, if I do say so myself.
But just then, Takechiyo's eyes changed.
Into eyes that had been clouded with fear, a single thin ray of light came in.
"If I get strong... I won't have to die?"
"Right."
I nodded. Even if it was a lie, I wanted to tell him that.
"Get strong. And survive. Scared as you are, shaking as you are, you survive anyway. Let's train together."
From that day on, the two of us trained our bodies together.
Behind the castle, we swung sticks, hauled stones, and grappled. At first Takechiyo was pale as anything, but day by day, strength came into his eyes. After working up a sweat, he said happily, the nights weren't quite as scary.
I understood that feeling better than anyone.
It was a tiny alliance, between two scaredy-cats.
In time, the day came for Takechiyo to go back to Mikawa. When we parted, the boy stood before me on steady feet and bowed deeply. He seemed like a different person from the child who'd been shaking in the corner when we first met.
"Lord Oda. I'm going to get strong," Takechiyo said.
"I'll survive—and I'll come see you again, I promise."
Watching his back as he went, I thought:
I was supposed to be afraid of people, and for the first time in my life, I'd gone and found someone I wanted to see again.