Nowhere to run.
That's the feeling I hate most. The terror of being a rat in a bag, like at Kanegasaki when the Asakura blocked the way ahead and Nagamasa the way behind, came back to me.
The mountain hadn't listened to my plea that it stay neutral. Enryaku-ji went on sheltering the Azai and the Asakura. A mountain clutching a blade loomed at my back. That's how things stood.
Just imagine it. Right next to my lands was a huge mountain that sheltered my enemies, kept warrior monks, and might strike at my back at any moment.
I couldn't sleep at night. When would an army come pouring down from that mountain? When would my throat be cut in my sleep? It was exactly the kind of fear I'm worst at.
My retainers all said the same thing.
"Let us attack the mountain. We must cut off this threat at our backs."
"Now that Mount Hiei has turned against us, mercy is surely no longer called for."
Every time I heard those words, my stomach shrank. I didn't want to attack. But if I didn't, I'd be killed.
My retainers looked at my stiff face and nodded, reassured. "Our lord does not waver in his resolve."
I'm wavering. I do nothing but waver. I just didn't even have the courage to say so.
I sent envoys one more time. It was the final ultimatum.
Hand over the Azai and the Asakura, or at the very least, come down from the mountain and withdraw. Otherwise, I too shall have to consider what must be done.
That's what I had them write. My hands shook as it was written. Please. Please agree. Don't corner me any further.
But—the mountain didn't agree. No reply came. Silence was the answer.
My last plea, too, vanished on the wind.
The temple surely had its own reasons. The pride of a sanctuary guarded for a thousand years. Maybe it couldn't bow to the threats of an upstart country daimyo like me. I understand that. In my head, I understand it.
But—I no longer had any road back.
Alone in Gifu Castle, I held my head in my hands. What should I do? I don't want to attack a temple. I'm afraid of the Buddha's punishment. Afraid of monks. Afraid of killing people. But if I leave it alone, I'll be killed from behind.
Kicho laid her hand gently on my shoulder.
"Don't push yourself too hard."
She said that to me. I couldn't even nod.
"...What should I do?"
I asked it in a hoarse voice. Kicho didn't answer right away. She knew too that there was no answer. Whichever I chose, it was hell.
I no longer knew what to do.
And then, that day came.